This feels like a tension that I often grapple with . My well meaning white friends. Happy that they have decided to join the party, sometimes frustrated that they didn't bring a casserole dish with them.
This means whatever dish I made is the one that gets served to everyone. Even though my "dish" ties directly to my experience as a Black woman. And it better not be too spicy for them!! Must water it down to adapt to their palates.
Sometimes I feel like an exotic restaurant where people can come, say that ate some really cool exotic food , and then brag about it to their friends.
Such a strange feeling. We are the ones that are harmed, yet must water ourselves down to make reality swallowable enough for others . . .
Thank you! That's just it. I don't water anything down for them anymore. Whether they are well meaning or not. That's what I meant by the few white friends I still communicate with. I have been "shedding" people in the past two years, but mostly this year. And to be honest, I'm okay with it. Because we all have to choose sides in this moment. And that's the mirror I hold up.
Wonderful my friend. Never stop expressing your thoughts, your inspirating insights , you are highly capable even « not in capacity ». It must be so hard and exhausting to be in capacity all the time. You are a resistant, and for this, I admire you!: And it should be everyone’s basic responsibility to be Resistants… but some are not in capacity to be one. Much love and support 👏🏼🌸💕❤️
Thank you for sharing this, Chloe. Your honesty about your limits and the weight you’re carrying is powerful. Naming “capacity” as a shifting boundary instead of a fixed trait feels crucial, especially when the news and daily realities are so relentless.
“I don’t have the capacity. Nope. Not today.” That landed as clarity, not avoidance.
What you named here isn’t a scheduling issue. It’s emotional labor. It’s the cost of being asked to translate, educate, and absorb in moments when your nervous system is already carrying grief, rage, and history.
This line stayed with me:
“It was a choice by many white people to not ‘be aware.’”
That distinction matters. Awareness isn’t insight gifted by proximity to harm. It’s responsibility.
I also appreciate that you didn’t romanticize your response. You went in. You felt the rage. You told the truth. And you still honored your limit.
Capacity isn’t just about what we can hold. It’s about what we refuse to carry for others.
This feels like a tension that I often grapple with . My well meaning white friends. Happy that they have decided to join the party, sometimes frustrated that they didn't bring a casserole dish with them.
This means whatever dish I made is the one that gets served to everyone. Even though my "dish" ties directly to my experience as a Black woman. And it better not be too spicy for them!! Must water it down to adapt to their palates.
Sometimes I feel like an exotic restaurant where people can come, say that ate some really cool exotic food , and then brag about it to their friends.
Such a strange feeling. We are the ones that are harmed, yet must water ourselves down to make reality swallowable enough for others . . .
Thank you! That's just it. I don't water anything down for them anymore. Whether they are well meaning or not. That's what I meant by the few white friends I still communicate with. I have been "shedding" people in the past two years, but mostly this year. And to be honest, I'm okay with it. Because we all have to choose sides in this moment. And that's the mirror I hold up.
What wisdom to know oneself! Love this reflection and how it speaks to our humanness.
Wonderful my friend. Never stop expressing your thoughts, your inspirating insights , you are highly capable even « not in capacity ». It must be so hard and exhausting to be in capacity all the time. You are a resistant, and for this, I admire you!: And it should be everyone’s basic responsibility to be Resistants… but some are not in capacity to be one. Much love and support 👏🏼🌸💕❤️
Thank you for sharing this, Chloe. Your honesty about your limits and the weight you’re carrying is powerful. Naming “capacity” as a shifting boundary instead of a fixed trait feels crucial, especially when the news and daily realities are so relentless.
Thank you for reading, Wallace! I appreciate your seeing me and witnessing my truth.
You're welcome, Chloe ;-)
Hi Chloe —
“I don’t have the capacity. Nope. Not today.” That landed as clarity, not avoidance.
What you named here isn’t a scheduling issue. It’s emotional labor. It’s the cost of being asked to translate, educate, and absorb in moments when your nervous system is already carrying grief, rage, and history.
This line stayed with me:
“It was a choice by many white people to not ‘be aware.’”
That distinction matters. Awareness isn’t insight gifted by proximity to harm. It’s responsibility.
I also appreciate that you didn’t romanticize your response. You went in. You felt the rage. You told the truth. And you still honored your limit.
Capacity isn’t just about what we can hold. It’s about what we refuse to carry for others.
Thank you for writing this with such honesty.
— Kelly
Capacity—perfectly captures this tension a lot of us are dealing with. Well done Chloe! 💙
Thank you Joy Path! Appreciate you.🫶🏾🌻